When are we enough?

At a very early age I was exposed to the ugliness of snobbery and judgment.  Someone deciding that the person they were looking down their nose at didn’t belong or wasn’t good enough.  I intimately know what it looks like and now it is something I violently detest and won’t allow in my world.  Recently, I painfully watched a beautiful friend of mine work very hard at fitting in with a particular group of people.  I could see how much it was hurting her and that very specific feeling of “not being good enough” welled up in my chest, and my standard answer came screaming out before any filter could kick in “Fuck’em!  They have 2 choices, they can either like you or like you!”  I could see it, being on the outside, but it was too personal for her and she was just left with the raw emotion of it all.  Little did I know at the time, how her experience would be a mirror of learning for myself a year later.  
 
The dynamics of a group, speak to me … I love observing the secret gestures that people do that reveal their most private intentions (I’m not making this up … Google micro expressions & body language) that subtly twizzled wedding ring, that flick of hair, the secret ownership with an arm touched.  Watching who owns the power in the dynamic and who is enjoying the trip.  But then the converse is also interesting too, the person those signals are not meant for, watching them as they slowly recede into the corner of the chair both physically and verbally.  And I want to run up to them, clasp them by the shoulders, look them intently in the eyes and say “You are enough, don’t recede for anyone!”  
 
I am regularly taken aback by the things we do to fit in.  Which hoop we jump through and when.  What we pay for, when we can’t afford it, to be accepted.  What opinion we swallow down because it isn’t the same as the “cool crowd” … we give so much away to fit into that size zero.

So when do we get to that point, where we are enough? And believe it!  I for one am so looking forward to it!  I’m told that allegedly it comes with age, a comfortableness of being in your own skin, an ability to lovingly look someone in the eye and honestly think “this is me pal, like it or move on by” with zero comeback.

Another one of those big life questions, I don’t have the answer to ... just yet, but it made me think!  So as I quote Shirley
J, I smile and think to myself “They can either like you or like you!” … but I’m learning it’s believing it deeply that matters. 
 
Standing in the winter’s sun with your head held high and truly believing, with every fibre of your being, that right in this moment You Are Enough!

Love you all madly            
Collette in Cape Town

3 comments:

Dorothy said...

For years I did it ... the trying to fit in because otherwise you were left out. And now I've finally reached that space in my life where I can say "This is me. If you don't like me, well then, that's your loss" and mean it ... 99.9% of the time. I'm still working on accepting me for the "voluptous" me that I am. When I can get that mastered, nothing else will matter ... because if you can't love and accept you, how can you expect someone else too? Catch 22, right?

JP said...

Collette /found your blog via FB/ - interesting post. Didn't know, although suspected, that you are such a diligent student of human behaviour.
Two questions here. Aren't we over-reading the body language? I just doubt its universality sometimes.
Moreover, aren't we creating the "cool crowd" ourselves? Who decides, really? Now we can have two choices: the cool crowd being remote and unattainable (like tone deaf fans of a music band) or one evolving around our own persona (like JC himself).
Ok, a third question: who needs cool crowd? Hm, possibly it is innate to us as human beings. What about some of us are evolving towards higher state of being (like Data from ST) and don't give a damn?
So many questions, so few answers... counting on you in this matter :)

Cheers

A Working Woman in a Modern World! said...

Wonderful JP, you made me giggle (trust you are fabulous) ... and so glad you found it ... I'll "post" it to you next time! To attempt to answer your questions, yes absolutely we can be over-analysing body language, like most things, it's a generalization. It's like saying ALL Arians are fiery people and ALL Cancerians are moody. Of course there are anomalies but 75 - 80% of the time ... it's correct! I loved the concept about "we create the cool crowd" ... maybe we should, after all, be more like JC! And I LOVE your ST analogy (such trekkies at heart - hey) ... I'd love to evolve to be more like Data (I crave that logical thinking), but I want to be Data with his emotional chip engaged, because I don't think I could live like a Vulcan - regardless of how cool they are! :-) Warm regards Collette

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