It came as the quietest whisper …

I can remember the exact moment of conception … it came as the quietest whisper (the 10th Anniversary of 9/11 – the irony was not lost on me) … it took root and has been developing … I have tossed and turned with its preoccupation and I have thrashed and stomped about, but I just can’t deliver it.  This blog is really fighting with its birthing process and quite frankly, like a tantruming 2 year old, it is getting old quickly!  I’ve even shelved this blog mentally TWICE … thinking something else would take me off in another direction … but nope … just yesterday … I was reminded AGAIN … You have to forgive
So, while I currently find myself not in a State of Grace (another blog for another time) the message from the Universe is very clearYou have to forgive.  Everywhere I go, the message is stalking me, reminding me of its purpose.  And I get it, I so get it … if I don’t forgive, I am the only person this poison will contaminate (I truly believe in the mind body connection) … but like the blog wrangling with me, I’m fighting it!  I understand that forgiving the person or the action does not mean that I condone their behaviour, because unless we are prepared to have a full-blown heated discussion about it (this would be the bit that I am fighting) rarely do people understand how their actions and words leave an imprint.  And sometimes there is not much you can do and you can’t escape neither the person nor the action …
So, at the moment I am hiding, not dealing, avoiding behind activity and distraction – hoping against all hopes – that the nice warm sand I am submerging my head into will somehow make it all go away … until I can finally neither hold my tongue nor my breath any longer and I come up gulping for air, hoping that I find the situation has either magically disappeared or corrected itself!  And yes, like an ostrich, I too have beautiful eye-lashes!  And I know, very mature but I am weary and drained and tired of being understanding and forgiving, there comes a point when it is not right … so at the moment I am not
So what have I learned … I have learned that I don’t like sand, it gets into the cracks!  Ostrich tastes good on a Prego Roll!  And that although right this minute I am not ready to deal with my current challenges … I know that one day soon I will have to push past myself, dig deep … and find the healing power in forgiving … even when really, that is all I too seek.
I have to forgive …
Warm regards Collette in Cape Town
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