Am I asking too much???

So I was reading this blog about a week ago, by a mother of 3 small children, on how she is not a morning person and how she needs a few (just a few) silent minutes to surface and eat her cereal in peace every morning before she tackles the day ahead … I smiled when I read it and thought, “not for another 10 years baby!” J 

I don’t mind taxi’s (good loud music fixes that), I don’t mind traffic (good loud music seems to fix that too), I don’t mind taxi’s that cut me off in traffic, I don’t mind miserable grumpy people in traffic that pick their nose (it’s gross but it is their nose – go right ahead).  I don’t mind rain and, at an absolute stretch, I don’t mind early mornings.  I don’t mind early morning meetings (not a huge fan but I can do it), I can even live with that trepidatious moment when I remember the frenzied day ahead of me, BUT this morning 2 pearls where galvanized!  I need 10 short sacred silent minutes, on my own, in the shower (get your mind out of the gutter – it’s too early for that J) and I DO MIND when someone fights with me (this can also be translated as me shouting at one of the kids to get their !@#$%^ clothes on because they have to go to school – same category for me) anytime between 6 – 9am … it’s a small window of eggshells for a serene day … not too much to ask, is it?

So quite often, the fabulous folks that are lumbered with working with me, regularly hear … “this morning in the shower I was thinking or I thought about you in the shower this morning or I thought about it in the shower this morning and should we … “.  95% of my finest ideas, realizations and learning’s have come to me in the shower!  This is one of my sacred spaces … hot water is my conduit to my inner voice of realization!  Things filter to my consciousness when I am still for a moment under the hot water … and I must add at this point that many of those notions are not of me. 

So this morning (for the thousandth time) I took a deep breath and entered our family bathroom.  Doesn’t family bathroom sound so cute and cozy, when in actual fact it is House-Selling-BS!-Speak for one @&*#$%^ bathroom, which if you need translation means … you will never spend 60 seconds in your bathroom on your own ever again! 

So I stepped into the shower and revelled in the hot water that spurts from the dodgy shower head and for just a pure second (probably 3 minutes) of undiluted pleasure, I stood there enjoying the hot water in silence, as my brain slowly realized oh-my-BLEEP-it’s-morning-again!  Enter the first child, my oldest child, who has clearly read the How to deal with a Diva Mother Manual!  Hi Mum … Hey Cookie.  Oldest Child, very kindly places toothpaste on my toothbrush and does the same for herself and then quickly informs me, quietly yet with firm determination WATER … so I step out of the warm water spray while our pipes re-route cold water from the dodgy shower head to the bathroom basin tap for Oldest Child to brush her teeth … now lava water streams from dodgy shower head and I am contorting myself to stay out of the lava-stream with shampoo on my head and facewash (dare I say it) on my face.  After a brief moment of WATER, Oldest Child brushes in considerate silence as I step back into the now returned warm water and I rack my brain for any message that I might have to tell her:  what day is it, what are the extra murals, do well at school today, make sure you are good for teacher, best of luck with your maths test, try not to forget any uniform at school, granny will or won’t fetch you today from aftercare depending on the day and the extra mural!  In the fastest record time EVER teeth have been cleaned and oldest child is ready to rinse and spit (I raise my WTF eyebrow and then wonder why our Dentist bills are so high) to another announcement WATER and I step back out of the water stream to a similar contortion but now with bubbles all over me … as Oldest Child finishes off and we end this little visit with Have a great day at school today cookie, love you madly as we air hug because I am now covered in bubbles from head to toe.  Door opens … Youngest tornado child enters LOUDLY as the girls tag each other in and out and Junior enters the bathroom.  Now I start to speed up, completely understanding that this sacred moment is heading downhill fast.  Youngest Child needs to use the lav … I now start brushing my teeth and slightly glaze over, thinking day ahead, forgetting the time factor, Junior does the same, and I remind her … Cooks, can you get on with it … eventually Junior has done the necessary on the Lav and clothes are restored, now for teeth (Youngest LOVES brushing teeth and LOVES water) … I am now scrambling to finish my teeth, so I can finish washing the bubbles from me.  As I head into the final water fly-by, I realize that we are back to Lava-water, Youngest Darling PLEASE tell mummy when you intend using the tap, which I try to muster in my most patient voice possible, Ok mummy!  Still Lava water … Still Lava water … Still Lava water … Still Lava water … Still Lava water … Youngest darling, enough water now, brush!  (Starting to get an edge to my voice) Ok mummy, tap off, the next minute she flushes the toilet … I KID YOU NOT (and how frikken-on-earth did she even get over there if she was at the sink??) … more lava water as I weigh up finishing off under lava water and wondering if 2nd degree burns are really as painful as they say or waiting for the water to return to warm … waiting wins.  60 seconds later, water returns to normal and I dive underneath dodgy spray to be re-lava’ed as Junior rinses and spits with enough water to keep a small village going for a week … JUNIOR SWEETHEART DARLING, CHILD WHOM I ADORE, ENOUGH WITH THE FRIKKEN WATER NOW!  Ok, mummy as she bangs and crashes her way out of the bathroom and leaves the sink tap on … SERIOUSLY!

Finally finishing off my shower, under the remains of the lava water (damn we must have a HUGE geyser) I emerge from the bathroom BRIGHT PINK and i.r.r.i.t.a.t.e.d. and all of this before 7.15 in the morning … Oh JOY!

So what have I learned … the need for a second bathroom is starting to outweigh everything else!  I know someone is going to suggest I get up early and shower before the girls get up … (raised WTF eyebrow) thank you for your input!  I’ve learned, never underestimate your sanity button!  We make many trade-offs in life … but this little teeny weeny iddy biddy moment of silent sanity is all I ask for … because generally, if I get that right … the rest of the day is peachy …

What do you need to stay sane??

Love you all madly …
Warm regards … Collette in Cape Town

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Kathleen dV said...

Loved it!! I laughed myself silly! 2 Bathrooms absolutely work best!!

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