Tis the Season to be Jolly …

As the tension drains away from the 2 weeks that were Grade 4 year-end exams … I am truly Thankful!  It being Thanks Giving weekend and all … I had to smile at the poetry of it all …
I was one of the really lucky few, that never worried about a single exam ever … (well not until mock matric finals, that is) … maybe it was because the ramifications of what I was undertaking just hadn’t hit me.  BUT now as a parent, EXAMS are UNDILUTED HELL!  And the tension that now drains from our family, as my child with special learning requirements, has finished her exams - can be read in everyone’s body language, as our bodies unwind and the stress slips from our strained tight vocal cords as we start to joke around again …
This is the really hard stuff!  I can do the sick kid thing, I can do the vomit thing, I can do the screaming kids thing as she bleeds all over the Persian rug, I can do the 2 in the morning thing for weeks on end … BUT watching my oldest child, my first born … struggle through the learning and the pressures of her exams is really hard!  At one point there was so much screaming and crying going on around Religions of the World or was it Afrikaans (I forget now), that even I was considering drugs … not Valium for me but the dreaded “R” … Ritalin.  But will it really make a difference, will it change her personality and make her keen and willing to get into the learning.  Will Ritalin make it easier for the facts to stay in … and is that what I want to teach her … take the easy route?  And what about the long-term affects and the links to Heroin use as an adult?  All of that aside … she seems to think that she has done really well … so today is Ritalin necessary?  The confusion and worry around this decision is debilitating and suffocates me as a parental decision I could be so wrong about …
But Tis the Season to be Jolly and today we started some therapeutic Christmas Shopping, it was wonderful looking into her face and not seeing any of the worry and strain, which was marked with her searching my face for approval and acknowledgement that it was going to be OK
So what have I learned … I’ve learned that Parenting is HARD and it is NOT FOR SISSIES!  We second guess every decision we make 15 times before breakfast, making sure we are doing our very best for these little people that have been entrusted to us.  I’ve learned that I can push one of my worst fears away for a while longer with the wave of my plastic credit card at our local Mega Shopping Complex.  And I have learned that she tries so hard that how could I think she was anything but Special
Love you all madly …
Warm regards … Collette in Cape Town

PS … Sorry Sweetheart, but we will be putting off the big “R” decision for a little while longer …

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