A Moment on the Lips …

So!  A couple of days ago one of my Facebook buddies posted a rant about his terrible expat misfortune to be experiencing some annoying aspects in his new chosen circumstances.  I don’t have a problem with that, vent away, we have all done it and why phone 1 friend when millions can share in your moment … seriously, I’m not being facetious when I type this … rant away … vent - rather get it out … feel better and move on … but he ended his vent with a parting comment that deeply saddened me.  I didn’t take it personally, he wasn’t exactly speaking directly to me, and he is a great guy he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me – he’s a good guy!  But his ending comment was “mayo is for fat people who want to get fatter ” and continued to ask that no-one put it on his food, there might have been a please in there … but I had stopped reading.
I made the mistake of reading this just before heading off to bed (note to self, don’t review FB before bed) because his post tormented me through the night and I realized that I just had to write about it.  NOW, I have steered very far away from posting anything around weight issues, because those who share my real life know, that this is something I battle with every millie-second of every day and I thought it would be horribly predictable for the large girl (we don’t use the f-word in our house) to write about how hard it is to be overweight and my latest dieting attempt and my latest exercise spurt and how mean and nasty the world can be to overweight people.  Boo-hoo for me and all those like me, let’s all have a big cry … NO!  I write about other things, because my world is so very much more, more and more and so much more than my weight challenges … even though at every possible opportunity some well-meaning absolute-bloody-BLEEPING-stranger won’t miss an opportunity to remind me … NO, I write about other wonderful, beautiful, things and I will not be defined by today’s poundage!
But today, I feel I must say, not specifically to my Facebook buddy, like I said he is a great guy, but to all those millions of well-meaning absolute-bloody-BLEEPING-strangers out there … STOW your ignorance and find someone your own size to pick on! 
In all of my 39.8 years, I have never met an overweight person who was enjoying it!  It’s undiluted hell!  The sniggered comments people make, hopefully behind your back so you don’t have to pretend to be unaffected by their unkindness but then forced to brave the screw-you face as the village-idiot of the group actually says the mean comment out loud (there is always 1 in the room).  The personal loathing!  Becoming invisible in a room full of people because people are trying not to stare and ask, “How on earth did he or she actually get that large?”, while you read the comment creep loudly across their face.  The boats you won’t get on, as your team head out for a sunset cruise for fear of someone passing a comment as you step on the boat and it lurches under your weight.  The clothes you long to wear but never buy and as you watch every single person at a party watch every morsel that goes to your lips as they think, “you really shouldn’t be eating that”!  Oh yes, it’s absolutely peachy, an absolute blast as we finish our salad for lunch (still craving) and plan our walking route for the power walk we will squeeze in after work.  Because haven’t you heard, all fat people are lazy and glutinous hogs that do nothing but gorge on mayo and condense milk by the vat load.
What was that??  So WHY aren’t we doing anything about it then, if our lives are so miserable??  What makes you arrogantly think that we aren’t?  Did you get a spot of extra exercise by jumping to the conclusion that we were slothing around 24/7 with a chocolate in one hand and a fizzy drink in the other?  
Unless you have been there and have healthily and sustainably kept off a large amount of weight, be quiet!  Shut the BLEEP up!  Because you just don’t know what you are talking about!
Now, I am not asking for you to forgive all of our sins, no-body got us into this state other than ourselves! Do you think we don’t know that?  That we haven’t told ourselves that in the ugliest words possible?  Do you think we live in a world without mirrors and that the judgement in your eyes doesn’t reflect your thinking?  Do you not think if we could, we would not want to be healthy, trim and fabulous?  If I was an alcoholic or a drug addict there would be more compassion and programs to help me with my addition.  Instead, people using food as their drug of choice to drown away the hurts, are the large butt of your jokes and unkind comments.  Seriously, use your head!  And use your heart!
So what have I learned … Personally, no-one got me here but me (and no-one knows that better than me) and I will get myself out of this one way or another.  That is my reality, your unkind ignorant comments do not scare me to the gym, they push me hungrily, in tears, towards the fridge.
Also, if I were to believe all of those nasty ugly statistics … be careful, because there are more of us out there, than what there are of you … we could rise up against you and sit on you and then no-one would hear your muffled screams beneath those mayo created rolls of flubber!   [Now that is a conspiracy theory worth spreading!]
So choose your words kindly, because I am reminded of that saying, Do your words fall into any of the following categories?  1)  Is it true?  2)  Is it kind?  3)  Is it honest?  4) Is it necessary?  If not … rather stay silent because like chocolate … words, a moment on your lips … can bring a lifetime of regret! 
Love you all madly …    
Warm regards …             
Collette in Cape Town

You have got to love mamma … Shutup in your face!  by Joe Dolce

In collaboration with Big G Productions!

PS … 45 days left until Christmas people – FABULOUS - please no-one buy me chocolate – much appreciated!
PPS... Added post post ... Watch This!...
CBC News Anchor-tv-overweight Oct 2012

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Ryan said...

HI Collette
Haven't you realised what those little people are so miserable with their lives that they have to find someone to pick on, so they pick on us large people to try and feel superior to some one. I once said to some one that called me a disgusting fat person, "Just remember you little insignificant insect I can go on diet and everyone will praise me for losing the weight,but you will all ways be a nasty, miserable, little insect, Have a nice day." Love who you are because we do.
Regards Ryan

Janine Huldie said...

Collette, this is the first time reading your blog, but want to tell you this. Some people are just plain rude and don't think before they speak or in this case write something. More power to you to confront the issue and write about it. I have always had the other problem and been on the other end of the spectrum. Even going to my doctor last month was made to feel like a criminal that I was 2 lbs underweight. Seriously, I just wanted to crawl in a hole. That said people should really think before they speak and walk a mile in someone else's shoes before saying something so rude or callous. Great post and will be following you now too and hope you will do the same :)

Zenith Thinking said...

Thank you Ryan ... I must remember that one! Lovies C

Zenith Thinking said...

Yes, Janine, good point, it can absolutely work both ways. This is our journey ... We are not saying lets throw our hands up in the air and give in to the situation ... I'm saying ... don't pick on me while I'm working on it ... because that is not support. We will get there! Lovies C

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