But what does that mean???

OH MY HAT … if I was ever in any doubt, I am a complete princess!  We have just arrived safely home after a wonderful weekend away up the West Coast.  If you would like to know where … inbox me!           

I absolutely adore the West Coast!  I love the tranquillity, the nothingness, the silence and the openness.  Lots and lots of nothing and sheep and cows … it is fabulous!  And in our frenetic busy lives … I could live up there permanently … with wifi, internet, DSTV and a dishwasher.            

Just last week, I mentioned to a colleague of mine, we do not ask “What does that mean?” often enough.  It is a sentence I do not use often enough and now we live in a world were less is said and more is implied … let me give you an example.  Stay with me …                

When I was in labour with Sarah and the nurses were having a good root around my yooohoo – as they do (ladies you will be able to relate) to see how far along labour is … one of the nurses said, “this baby is very high”.  I heard her, I heard what she said, I technically understood the construct of the sentence, but I didn’t understand what it meant and being inexperienced in the ways of pushing a baby out, I didn’t think to ask … “What does that mean?”  What it meant was, that Sarah was cowering under my rib-cage and that eventually she would have to be cut and pulled out of my body, being delivered perfectly by c-section.  Where am I going with all of this?         

Although the place that we went to this weekend was absolute paradise on a stick!  ABSOLUTELY!  Nothing else could be said for it!  P.A.R.A.D.I.S.E!  When I read the brochure and it clearly read “Eco Water-less toilet”, I should have stopped the bus right there and asked “What does that mean?”        

Let me tell you exactly what that means!  It looks like a very normal lovely white porcelain toilet pan, with no cistern.  Clue number 1!  And that is where the similarities end!  You are asked to keep the fan on at all times (pardon?  fan?).  There are instructions laminated to the wall.  Quizzically I think, I think I know how to use the lav!?!  First you lift the lid – got it!  Don’t look down – what?  Seriously don’t look down!  There is a long drop into nothingness or at least please god tell me there is nothingness.  I couldn’t look!  Sit down (quick), do what you need to do (pls no details) and while sitting there you pray fervently to your Divinity that nothing has crawled into the cavern and decides to bite you on the bum (or worse) while doing what you are doing!  During said prayer, your mind filters a draft into your consciousness.  Where is that draft coming from and OH MY HAT where is it going?  So cold, too cold!  Eventually your brain kicks in … said fan.  OMH!  You reach for 1 block (accordingly to the instructions on the wall) of the 1-ply toilet paper (seriously 1 –Ply!???) wipe the necessary and quickly re-clothe yourself.  Thank heavens that is over … or is it?  You reach to flush and realize that there is no flusher.  And that there is no flush because it is a waterless loo!  Realization is starting to hit me!  There is however, a large shiny bucket of dried compost (YES COMPOST) discretely trying to hide in the corner.  Absolute consternation … I turn to the instructions.  Take one spoonful of dried compost and up-end it down the drop of I-really-don’t-want-to-know!  OMH, I am not eating or drinking for 3 days until I get to the road-side service station in Langabaan on the way back home!

Yip I am an absolute PRINCESS … Africa is not sissies!  My only other option was behind a bush … not an option!

We also had a very slight innocent lost in translation moment on the journey up here.  As we headed deeper into Afrikaans-land, heading north up the R27 on our journey up the West Coast, we saw a car with a number plate of “Blommie” (Afrikaans for flower).  Our 12 year old completely oblivious and unintentionally reminded us, that we are not doing enough to invest in her 2nd language skills, when she loudly announced “BLO ME, now that is an unusual number plate!”  (I kid you not, I have the photo’s to prove it!)  Hubby and I immediately choked on the coffee we were drinking (thank heavens we weren’t driving) and we couldn’t contain our laughter at the innocence and the entendre of what she had said.  We laughed quietly, less obviously so, for the rest of the journey.  I love her innocence, she would have curled up and died if she knew what she had said and I just knew I had to find a way to blog it.  (Sorry my darling!)

Love you all madly!
Warm regards …             

Collette in Cape Town

3 comments:

Stephanie @ Life, Unexpectedly said...

Oh my goodness the "Blo Mmie" was glorious.

I see you there, I'm such a princess, too, that's why I'm not doing camping but need AT LEAST a vacation rental. Could let myself being convinced to use a caravan, even though I wouldn't like the idea of doing "business" just a paper "wall" away from the stove, yuckie!!

Enjoy South Africa!!

Kathleen said...

I had a good laugh reading your blog, Collette! :)
It reminded me so much of my first camping experience where we had our tent out with really no one else around. So there were also no ablution blocks.
We had to dig a hole and then close the hole again. On one such an occasion, before the hole could be filled a dung beetle decided to do what he does best …I couldn’t look and that hole was never filled by me!!
From then on I chose slightly more domesticated places....:)

TC said...

I had such a great lol moment while reading this blog as I pictured you (knowing you). Thanks for the lol...havent had such a good one in a while. Love your humour !

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